HAND OF HELP
by Moscow Watcher
Timeline: alternate seasons 5-7.
Enormous thanks for my beta reddygirl for her help and encouragement.
Rating: PG
A/N: written for "Buffy Love" LJ community.

Even before she woke up completely, the feeling of loss and failure overwhelmed her. She blew it. She let Cassie die.
But you couldn't do anything, the rational part of her mind argued. You did your best. You stopped the killers. You stopped the demon. You stopped the arrow.
You just can't stop heart failure.
You shouldn't torture yourself with things you can't fix. You have work to do.
She opened her eyes and immediately realised that something is wrong.
She was in her old bedroom. The one she had before her mom died.
There were textbooks and writing books on her desk. "Psychology workshop". "Modern poetry class".  A memo stuck at the book read: "A term paper deadline - Oct., 25". A quick glance at the calendar proved that it's today. A case of Buffy luck.
Then it struck her.
She's... somewhere. In a different universe.  Parallel dimension? Not the one with mental ward, hopefully. But - who knows?
No. She couldn't be a fourth-year student of Sunnydale university if she was a mental ward patient only six months ago. It's not the mental ward dimension. Thank God for his little pleasures. She's in a safe place...
Phone ring interrupted her thoughts. Cautiously she took the receiver, not sure what she should do.
"Pet?"
"Spike?"
"You've forgotten you favorite phallic symbol in my crypt."
"Wha-a...?!"
"Your stake. I found it behind the bed. Decided to tell you, just in case."
"O-o-kay", she stammered. "Thank you. I - I was looking everywhere... I mean..."
"Buffy, are you OK?"
"I - I'm late! Late for... for class!" she said hastily. "I'll - see you around. Soon. Bye!"
She hung up and looked around. She must decide quickly how to behave. Term paper... OK, not the main problem now. What is she doing here? Who is she? A typical room of a college student.  She checked under the bed. Of course, a bag with axes, arbalets and stakes isn't the requisite accessory of above-mentioned typical room of a college student... so she's still the Slayer. What else can she be sure of?
Still cautiously she checked the other rooms. There was nobody at the house but her. There was the usual mess in the next room - no doubt her little sister occupies this place. Next room - Mom's room... tidy and clean. Buffy felt her heart suddenly started pounding quickly that usual.
"Mom?"
No answer. She went downstairs. In the kitchen she found a note written with Joyce's handwriting: "Just a few reminders. Don't fight with Dawn during my absence. Don't let Willow and Tara make spells on the kitchen table. Don't let Xander eat cakes and cookies when he's on a diet. And make Spike wash his cup (or wash it herself)! I'll phone you from NY. Hopefully in a week I'll find out home the way I left it - i.e. not destroyed. Mom."
Buffy felt a warm wave rising in her chest, almost choking her. She sniffled. Mom is alive. Everybody is OK. It's a good dimension. She likes it here.
But how did she get transported here?
No. Wrong question.
Why did she get here?
She couldn't remember any demon pricking her with a stinger. Or Willow doing a spell. Or her own death, for that matter.
Should she tell her friends? "Hi, I'm from another dimension, where you, Dawn, are a clepto, you, Willow, killed a man, you, Xander, left Anya at the altar, and you, Spike, tried to rape me..." No. Bad idea.
Should she check the Internet? But what for? "Parallel dimensions with happy endings"? Or "parallel dimensions with unhappy endings"?
Dead end.
But she can check Dawn's diary. If she has a diary in this dimension. It's not ethical, but, after all, once Buffy has caught Dawn reading her diary. Of course, it  happened 5 years ago. And in another dimension. And, to be absolutely honest, didn't happen at all, because it was part of the memory spell made by monks who created Dawn.
Anyway, good occasion to make even with little sis.
Buffy found Dawn's diary under her pillow. Then she found the remainder of yesterday's pizza in the kitchen. Ignoring the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, she poured tea in the last clean cup and started reading.

"Sept., 22, 2000. Bye-bye, my old diary. I clearly remember where I put it, but the drawer is empty except for dust. Maybe it's dust of some unlucky Buffy's lover?"

Buffy snorted. Her little sis is bratty in every dimension.

"... Life sucks. Nobody knows who I am. Not the real me. It's, like, nobody cares enough to find out. Does anyone ever ask me what I want to do with my life? Or what my opinion is on stuff? No one understands. No one has an older sister who's a slayer. Other than a girl I met today.
She lives few blocks from us but she goes to another school that's why we never met before. She's totally cool. She lives with her father, writes poetry, draws, has a website and - SHE SEES THINGS! Like, the boy in The Sixth Sense, but instead of rotten corpses she sees the future. She knows I have a sister who's a Slayer. She has already told me my big sis will meet her match in Dracula, Prince of Darkness. I wish I could see their face-off!"

Buffy turned several pages.

"Oct., 15, 2000.  Life sucks as usual. Brian doesn't notice me. He's all about that upstart Melly - ah! Divine!Miss!M! Bitch. Hate her. Cassie tells me Mellie's family will move to Philippines in three months, and that's good news.  Cassie really *does* see the future. She foretold my chemistry tests result (not that it was difficult). She foretold Harmony's return to Sunnydale and Spike hooking up with her again. Now she tells that "Buffy's soldier boyfriend" will get sick. I have to tell Buffy. But how? "Dear sis, my anonimous sources inform me that your precious Riley is in danger?? Shit. I have to introduce Cassie to Buffy."

Buffy dropped her pizza as realisation hit her.
Yesterday she talked to Anya about their attempt to save Cassie. Buffy wasn't sure about the exact phrasing, but she definitively told something along the lines "I wish I could meet her earlier" or "I wish she could get what she deserved". She has totally forgotten that Anya's could grant wishes again.
Buffy frowned.
Let's be reasonable. A vengeance demon can't grant a non-vengeance wish. Can she? In Dawn's case it wasn't exactly a vengeance wish - Halfrek granted her sis's wish to keep them all together - by locking them in the house. Anyway, a vengeance demon always finds a flaw in a wish and turns it into a nightmare.
Unless... unless it's a friendly vengeance demon. Or - there is a catch but she can't see it yet.
Buffy sighed and went on reading. She found out that Scoobies didn't believe in Cassie's abilities immediately, but after she predicted Riley's sickness, Buffy's being wounded, giant snake summoned by Glory and the arrival of Queller demon from outer space, they started listening to her warnings. She became a "loosely affiliated member of Scoobiegang" as Spike put it.
Fascinated, Buffy gulped page after page.
...When Cassie told that Joyce may have complications after brain surgery, Buffy insisted on another CAT scan which resulted in another operation, more successful. Then Cassie told them that Ben is Glory's human host and Willow, with Council's help, found the way to keep her in Ben's body forever. The only thind she couldn't prevent was Riley's leaving.

"10, Febr., 2001 Riley. The bastard. Not that it's entirely his fault. My sis can exasperate anybody. And now she's all sadness and gloom and I shouldn't enter her room and shouldn't touch her shiny weapons and shouldn't mention that new Hannibal movie I want to see - because she's brooding. She's got that disgusting habit from her previous boyfriend. Has I mentioned that life sucks?

"25, Febr., 2001. To make matters worse, immediately after Riley's departure Xander suddenly became a Responsible Citizen and proposed to Anya. They're so happy it's disgusting. I mean - what's good in a marriage? Loads of domestic chores and a bunch of snotty children? But for Anya it's the dream of her life. Of course, I had a crush on Xander when I was young and silly, but today I'm grown-up enough to see the yukkiness of all those googly eyes and prying hands. Maybe if I were a 100-year old ex-demon I'd love to have a husband too - but now I can't see anything attractive in family life. Eww.

Buffy skipped several pages.

"25, April, 2001. The wedding ceremony was awful. My dress = worst nightmare. The guests = pompous idiots. The weather = awful. Thank God it's over. Happy newlyweds left for a honeymoon and the madness is over. The only bright moment was Cassie's spotting a troublemaker - a demon from Anya's past who wanted to ruin her family happiness (yuk!). We didn't tell Anya - she has been too preoccupied with the ceremony. Buffy, Willow and Spike took the matter into their hands. Or - to be more exact - hands, fists and fangs. But they even didn't let me go with them! Ingrateful freaks! At least, Spike told me and Cassie about their adventure afterwards. He was especially happy to contribute - he didn't expect any good attraction today.

"1, May, 2001. Dear diary, I'm in big shit. I didn't mean to interfere - but...  After Riley left, Spike even stopped to pretend. He's totally into my sister. Buffy can call him evil soulless thing - he doesn't mind. I think I shouldn't get Cassie into this - but I couldn't keep myself from telling her. The next day she  touched Spike's hand. It looked quite occasional, but Buffy still glared at her the way she glares at everybody who dares to approach her precious vampire. Ha!
Anyways, Cassie felt... something. She insisted that I show her Spike's lair. He wasn't there so we left. The next day I came and found him packing, his old stupid bike ready to start off. Naturally I asked if he and Buffy had fallen out. And - he just went on packing. Can you imagine Spike keeping his mouth shut? Disturbing.
And the next day he disappeared.
First days Buffy was all pissy. Then she started to worry. She interrogated me and I blurted out that Cassie has felt something in Spike and wanted to talk to him. Oh my God! I thought she'd kill me. And Cassie too. Turned out Cassie felt something bad that could happen to them. Like, Spike hurting Buffy. As if. Buffy is so much stronger than him!
Anyway, she told him. And he left. Moron.

"10, May, 2001. Spike didn't come back. Cassie says everything will be OK but nobody listens.

"11 May 2001. Willow's location spell found Spike in Africa. Obviously he decided to keep away from my sister as far as possible. To say that Buffy's angry would be an understatement. I'm trying to look small and inconspicuous.

"13, May, 2001. Giles and Willow left for Kinshasu today. Everybody looks at me as if I'm the enemy of the people.

"15, May, 2001. They found Spike and brought him back. All beaten and bruised. Buffy promised him to repeat the experience when he'll get better. People are insane. And they call it "love". Why bother? I can't figure it out. Why put all this energy into chasing and having and brooding and— I just don't understand these relationships where you all do insane things.
P.S. Spike has a soul now. Turns out he went to some creepy guy to win his soul back so that he'd be unable to hurt Buffy with a soul. Uh-huh. Like all the serial killers don't have souls.
Idiot.

With mixed feelings of joy, anger and relief Buffy read Dawn's comments on her relationship with Spike (with many "ewws" and exclamation points), Willow and Tara's renting a new apartment, Giles selling Magic Shop to Xander and Anya, mom opening a new art gallery. Obviously, everything was OK.
Oh, wait...

20 Aug, 2002. Buffy's pissy all day. Spike went to LA to see Angel. He said he has to talk to him about his soul so she thinks they'll be talking about her. Even if they do - so what? Another end of the world?

21, Aug, 2002.  Buffy's even more pissy than yesterday. Turns out Angel's gone three months ago and nobody knows where he is. Spike phoned and said something fishy was happening there. Damn. If Spike with all his stupid jealousy starts worrying about Angel it means it's really bad.

22, Aug, 2002. Willow did a locator spell but it didn't work. Anya tried her old connections. Still nothing. Buffy left for LA. Hopefully when they find Angel he and Spike will dust each other and she'll find a normal guy. (just kidding)

25, Aug. 2002. Me and Cassie go to LA! Thank our lucky stars - Cassie's father is away on business trip and doesn't know about our little adventure! Ha! They still can't manage without Cassie!
Tomorrow she'll infiltrate Angel's people. I thought it would be cool to pass her as Spike's new crush so that Angel would think that Spike moved on. But Buffy declined - Cassie's, like, too young to be vampire's girlfriend.
Obviously my sister had forgotten about herself and Angel.
Anyway, Cassie will pass herself for a victim saved by Buffy and Spike - and, since she (the victim) has nowhere to go, she'll stay with us. And we'll try to figure out what's up.

Aug., 30, 2002. These last days were so hectic I couldn't find time for my diary. First of all, Cassie did find Angel - but we opened a big can of worms and it took some time to close it.
It was Angel's son who did it. Pretty boy. I mean - disgusting freak. (Still pretty). He sent his father to the bottom of the ocean. I mean - every normal teenager dreams about it but to actually do it? It takes guts.
After outing him Cassie showed where to look for Angel - he was in s spell-resistant box. When we found him he was so weak he couldn't even fight with Spike. I'm morally scarred forever by the sight of Buffy and Spike concurrently feeding Angel. (before Buffy drove me out of the room). Even shopping in the best LA boutiques can't erase from my memory the looks these three exchanged when they thought nobody's looking. I asked Cassie what would happen to then, but she just smiled.
To sum it up, it was quite a summer. The classes start tomorrow. Cassie is also pleased with our adventure.

Buffy turned several pages with descriptions of new cute boys, new outfits they bought in LA and new school building. Then the entry on Oct., 10 caught her attention

10, Oct., 2002. I think Cassie's hiding something. She looks sad but refuses to talk about it. Sometimes I think that she avoids me. There is something that depresses her...

Buffy's heart skipped a beat. Hastily she found the Oct., 20 entry.

20, Oct., 2002 Cassie... they found her on the floor. They say she died instantly - no pain, nothing.
It shouldn't happen.
It's unfair.
She was my best friend. Ever."

This was the last entry. Buffy closed the diary, stood up and aimlessly wandered to the window. She felt tears on her eyes although this time the pain of loss was a bit lesser. Maybe because she hadn't time to adjust to alive Cassie. Thank you, Cassie, she thought. You've created this wonderful universe, with less evil and more happiness. I think I should stay here. I like it here. Funny - sometimes you wish something good for other people and it ends up with making something good for yourself.
Right?
Sooner or later you got what you deserve. Here-s a chance to be a nice Buffy - good daughter, good sister, good friend, good girlfriend...

The phone rang.
"Buffy", - Giles' voice sounded tense. "Luckily you're home. Come at Magic Shop as soon as possible. Xander and Willow are already on the way. Mind if I wake up Spike after your... your night patrol?"
Buffy even hadn't time to appreciate Giles' penchant for euphemists. The urgency in his voice was so palpable that she felt fear uncoiling in the pit of her stomach.
"Giles, what happened?"
"It's not a phone consersation".

Fifteen minutes later Buffy entered Magic shop. Willow, Xander and Anya were already there and Giles was talking to them.
"... not an option, I think. They're too small to be detected by heat-seeking missiles, and, besides, in a week it will be too many of them. Governmental help won't change much, I'm afraid. I talked to Travers before leaving and he told me to start the exodus through Hellmouth immediately. In case their plans to take down Suvolte with magic fail..."
Buffy assessed the situation. Willow, tired, grim and determined. Giles in his Ripper mode. Xander and Anya desperately clinging to each other.
"Buffy, I'm glad you're here" Giles said. "Well?"
The tone of his voice indicated that Buffy has to report something.
"I - I, um..."
Luckily, her lame attempt was interrupted by the sound of back door opening, and Spike joined the group. He was dishevelled, there was a fresh graze on his chin.
"Demonic population is very hostile today", he grumbled. "They become more and more aggressive. On a positive side, they heard about opening the Hellmouth and they're ready to contribute..."
"Did you do the reconnaissance?" Giles asked impatiently.
"Sure. If you ask me, Watcher, it's madness. The only uninhabited dimension we could spot is a desert. And don't forget that all the demons who gathered around the Hellmouth, will rush into our portal like crazy."
"How many of them?"
"I didn't have time to count!" Spike snapped.
"Several thousands, maybe," Willow said glumly. "I did a demon-location spell - the density is so high my map went aflame."
"We won't be able to control the situation", Xander grumbled.
"Too much of them and too little of us", Anya added.
"We shouldn't open it", growled Spike. "Those poncy buggers at the Council always overdramatize everything".
Giles sighed.
"I wish I could share you opinion, children. Unfortunately, they are not exaggerating. If the new mutation of Suvolte won't be stopped in near future, the Earth is doomed".
"How much time do we have?" asked Willow.
"Few days", said Giles. "A week at best."
"Could we start researching?" Xander asked.
"There is not much to research," Giles threw a folder on the table. "Some months ago these fools from Mabuse research facility bought regular Suvolte eggs on black market. Usually cargoes like this get intercepted by frontier guards, but this time  it was a very clever bastard - the Doctor - who handled the traffic... Buffy?"
She nodded, trying to look calm.
"Go on, Giles".
"Council doesn't know much. Obviously the experiments with Suvolte went out of control. Obviously they produced a flying mutation of Suvolte but couldn't keep it isolated. Since nobody survived there is no details, but we presume that they were trying to limit species' life span to 24 hours. Instead they raised a mutation with 24-hours reproductive cycle. These things have already destroyed much of Europe. It's a matter of days for our continent."
"But there must be some catch!" Xander exclaimed.
"The catch is that after devouring everything on Earth Suvolte will die of hunger", Anya said brightly. "Then we'll be able to return."
"We must open the portal quickly", Giles said. "Experts predict that Suvolte will reach America in two-three days. We must seal the portal before they get chance to penetrate the dimension."
"We won't be able to move all the population in several days", Xander said. "There must be another decision".
"Unfortunately, no", Giles said softly. "We must save those we can. Several thousands... Maybe tens of thousands".
"There must be another way!" Xander shouted fiercely. "How can you... How can you even talk about saving several thousands and letting die hundred millions of people!"
"Hundred millions has already died in Europe", said Giles harshly. "What do you propose to do, Harris?"
"I don't know", Xander said desperately. "Willow, say something!"
She shook her head.
"Buffy?"
Buffy sighed. Her entrance.
"There is a way", she said. " There is a dimension... the dimension I came from..." Buffy coughed. "The point is that I'm from another dimension. A dimension where Suvolte eggs were destroyed."
Her words were met with silence - it was too much even for Scoobies.
"Is it a joke?" Xander asked at last.
Buffy shook her head. Anya frowned.
"Then why you moved here?"
"Because you've sent me!"
"I sent you?"
"I made a wish... A stupid wish. It was about... about the injustice of life. I didn't think you'd grant it. I've forgotten about you being a vengeance demon."
"Wait - in your dimension Anya's still a vengeance demon?" Xander asked.
Buffy shrugged.
"Are we married?" Anya asked.
"You guys... you have problems".
"Problems with money? With the number of children in our family?"
Buffy tried to figure out a diplomatic response but couldn't come up with any. Luckily, Giles hurried to her help.
"I think we digress", he said. "Are you sure that you're here because of a granted wish?"
"Absolutely".
Giles started polishing his glasses. His hands were shaking.
"It's beyond imagination", he murmured. "It's not a dimension... it's a version of reality".
"And the difference?" Willow asked.
"The difference is that we really can put previous version of reality back on track."
Buffy felt enormous relief. And enormous sadness.
"Buffy are you sure that in your dimension the Suvolte eggs were destroyed?"
"Yes", she said firmly. "I saw it with my own eyes".
"They were killed with bullets or with fire?"
"With fire."
Giles nodded, satisfied.
"Let me guess", Spike smirked. "We burned them together, and you looked great with flame-thrower in your hands."
Buffy forced a smile.
"Spike, all I can say - you were instrumental in the destruction of the eggs."
Spike gave her a wink.
"OK, Pet, you can keep all the juicy details private".
"Children, it's not time for bantering", Giles interrupted. "Anya, can you reverse the process of granting Buffy's wish?"
She shrugged.
"I'm not a vengeance demon here. The only way to do it is to ask D'Hoffryn to destroy my pendant".
"Can you summon him?"
Anya shook her head.
"I can do it", Willow said suddenly. "I have D'Hoffryn's talisman".
She went into a storeroom and in a minute brought a shiny trinket and a jar with red powder. Buffy looked, fascinated, as Willow did Enchanting Circle and said incantation in Latin. A fiery flash blinded her and when her eyes adjusted, she saw D'Hoffryn standing in front of them.
"Behold D'Hoffryn, lord od Arashmahar, he who turns the air to blood..."
He looked around and cut himself short.
"Ms. Rosenberg! How lovely to see you again. Finally, you're ready to become a demon. Let me express my condolences over your..."
Willow inceremoniously interrupted his speech.
"We need Anya's vengeance demon pendant", she said.
D'Hoffryn laughed.
"You want to reverse her spell?"
"We have to", Buffy said.
"You think you deserve the second chance?"
Buffy looked into his eyes.
"Maybe we don't", she said. "But humanity does".
"Why?"
"Because you owe us. You thrive on us. Without people you, vengeance demons, are just a bunch of pathetic idlers."
D'Hoffryn thought her words over.
"Fair enough, miss Summers. Well..."
He reached into his pocket, extracted a pendant and put it on the table.
"Miss Summers. Miss Rosenberg. See you soon."
"Hey - what do you..."
But D'Hoffryn has already disappeared in a flash.
"OK, lets do it" said Willow.
Buffy looked around and took a massive ancient urn.
"Hey, it's my ashtray", Spike exclaimed. Then he frowned. "Am I smoking in your reality?"
Buffy nodded. She looked at Willow.
"You're the only person who never asked me about my reality", she said.
Willow smiled darkly.
"No need".
"What do you mean? And... where is Tara? You guys... you're OK?"
Willow turned away.
"Tara was in Rome when it started", she said. "She went there to meet some members of coven. Two days ago her phone went dead. So, no matter what happens in your reality, Buffy, it can't be worse. Just do it, OK?"
Buffy felt a lump in her throat. She lingered a second, contemplating her friends.
"I love you guys", she said hoarsely and crashed the talisman.
*********
Even before she woke up completely, the feeling of loss and failure overwhelmed her. She blew it. She let Cassie die.
But you couldn't do anything, the rational part of her mind argued. You did your best. You stopped the killers. You stopped the demon. You stopped the arrow.
You just can't stop heart failure.
You shouldn't torture yourself with things you can't fix. You have work to do.