BLACK MAGIC WHITE LIES
By Moscow Watcher
Timeline: BtVS, alternate season 5
Rating: R (for intense situations).
Synopsis: Xander thinks he has a little secret. He doesn't know that his little secret is a part of a big fat conspiracy.

***1 IN WHICH XANDER DISCOVERS A SECRET

"You don't know what's in your slayer, do you?"

(Moments of truth always catch us unawares. Later, Xander realized it had been one of those moments, but back then it was just unsettling. Together with Buffy and Willow he came to the hospital to visit Joyce, and when he lingered behind in the corridor, a patient in a straight-jacket suddenly turned to him, winked conspiratorially and whispered this question. How did this lunatic know about the slayer? He was about to ask him, but a nurse approached, and Buffy called him, and he caught up with his friends and put the incident behind him.)

Maybe he should tell the others about it. Right now, as Xander, Willow and Giles sit in the Magic Box and talk about some mysterious murder they're investigating, about Buffy's problems and her mom's illness, about Wesley Wyndam-Pryce's call from Los-Angeles and Angel spinning out of control and turning to the dark side. Again. Not that it's a big surprise, that guy has always been a loose cannon...

"...And I want you to forget about it as soon as it's done," Giles says to Willow. Xander flinches. Obviously he zoned out a bit. Has he missed something?

"Sure, Giles," Willow's fingers dance on her laptop keys. "After the Initiative encryption programs this one looks easy-peasy..." She stares, surprised. "Um... Are you sure this is the server you need?"

Giles nods curtly. Willow looks at him with concern and frowns.

Xander is intrigued. Pity he's sitting across the table and can't see the screen. Is Willow hacking The Watcher Council's site? Or what?

"Who are you hacking, guys? Pentagon, or FBI?"

Giles looks at him with barely concealed irritation.

"I have to make certain enquiries, privately. This is a rather delicate business. The less you know about it the better."

Xander hopes his sulking isn't too obvious. He looks at his watch and sighs. Anya should be here already. He goes to the window to look at the street and lingers there, his back to them, so, thankfully, they can't see his face when he hears Willow's next words.

"I wish I could do a memory spell to make myself forget that I just hacked the server of Northern California Women's Facility. It's not about an upcoming apocalypse, is it?"

Xander realizes his hands are balled in fists. It's a coincidence, he thinks. It must be a coincidence. Thousands of women serve their time there.

He steals a look at Giles and Willow. Giles is polishing his glasses - never a good sign. "Not at all," he says dryly. "Like I said, it's a little private enquiry. Hopefully, nothing serious..."

Xander turns away to the window again. He's not eavesdropping. First, they know he's in the room. Second, there is nothing to eavesdrop. Giles is checking something for somebody. Big deal. And it's just a coincidence that he needs information from Northern California Women's Facility...

"...I'm sure Mr. Wyndam-Pryce is overreacting," Giles concludes.

Xander's stomach knots. No, it's not a coincidence. Something's wrong. Wrong with her.

"We're in," Willow says. "So, what are we looking for?"

"Medical records".

Suddenly, Xander feels so dizzy he has to take a deep breath to clear his head. Something bad has happened to her. She's dying. No, she's already dead. No. No. She's a survivor. Maybe it's nothing serious. Maybe she just got sick. Slayers get sick. He remembers Buffy falling ill and him visiting her in the hospital and confronting Angelus and feeling utterly helpless against his insolence... But why does Giles need medical records? Maybe she's got some weird mystical illness. Please, God, nothing nasty. And, please, anything to delay Anya who is - he checks his watch - a quarter an hour late. Anything to delay Anya's arrival until Willow finds out that nothing's wrong with her. In a minute Willow will find her file and tell Giles that there is nothing to worry about...

"Thank you, Willow," Giles says. "I'll take it from here. I hope it's all right to borrow your laptop for an evening."

Willow furrows her brow. "Are you sure?"

"I think I can manage." Giles' smile is forced. "I may not have your computer skills but I definitely know how to use the cursor and hit 'enter' ".

Xander demonstratively looks at his watch as Giles sees Willow to the door.  He's not eavesdropping, he's not hanging around, he's just waiting for Anya, who is terribly late, by the way...

"Anya is late," he says, although Giles doesn't ask him anything. "We planned on meeting here."

Giles averts his eyes. "Of course." He takes off his glasses, and starts polishing them absentmindedly. Is he just fidgeting?

Xander heart sinks. Does Giles know? Maybe he just suspects something. Or maybe Xander is just imagining things, and Giles is impatient to send Willow and him on their way as soon as possible and to focus on his oh-so-mysterious research. The research that has nothing to do with her.

When Giles returns to the table, he sits down, his back to the wall, making it impossible to look at the screen without being noticed. Xander loiters about, trying to come up a reason to get closer and look over Giles' shoulder. His mind is blank, he can only think about her, sick, wounded, dying in her cell. Screw the excuse - he just has to pick the right moment to look, as soon as Giles finds her records.

Interminable minutes pass. Giles is deft with books but slow with computers. Every time he clicks a key and peers at the screen, Xander tenses, ready to spring to the monitor, but every time Giles shifts his gaze back to the keyboard and slowly clicks the keys.

The phone rings, shrilly, making Xander jump. He grabs the receiver without taking his eyes off Giles. "Anya, what happened?" Anya chirps something about a new beauty parlor and how trendy it is and how many women are lining up for it and about being sorry for ruining his evening... Xander listens with half an ear and tries to reply coherently. "Sure...  Yes, of course... Next time. No, I don't mind at all..."

Suddenly, Giles raises his head and looks Xander in the eye. It's the mix of guilt and curiosity on Giles' face that makes Xander decide.

"So, why do you need Faith's medical records?" he asks as he puts the phone down.

Giles is appalled. "How have you... I mean, what a strange, ridiculous idea..."

"Just 'cause I didn't do college, doesn't mean I can't use my head."  Xander hopes his face doesn't betray him. "Faith is serving her time there, right? I can put two and two together, you know."

"How did you know where she is incarcerated?"

"You told us. Or maybe Buffy did." He knows he's bluffing heavily but he has no choice. "Besides, you said her former Watcher had asked you to check the files."

"I did?"

"You said something about Wesley overreacting. Giles, can you just tell me what's going on?"

Giles deflates and looks away.

"Don't misunderstand me, Xander. There are things you're better off not knowing. For your own good."

Whatever it means, it doesn't sound good. Cue for a lame joke. Hopefully his smile doesn't look particularly phony.  "So, you're protecting our innocent souls."

Giles snorts. "Or, rather, your sarcastic little arses."

Xander hesitates. After all, he has nothing to lose. Maybe Giles doesn't know anything.

"Mind if I help? No offence, Giles, but you're a lousy hacker."

Giles smiles wryly. "I bet this thing is possessed," he murmurs. "Every time I have to double-click my fingers suddenly stiffen".

Xander snorts and comes closer. Now he can see the screen with rows of files. They're labeled by numbers. Giles clicks the next file, it opens. He looks at the photo and, after yet another tussle with the disobedient mouse, closes the file. It takes him about thirty seconds to do it.

Xander sighs. There are thousands of files. At this rate they're likely to spend the whole night here.

"Why don't you rearrange them by date?" he asks.

Giles looks at him in awe. "You can do that?"

Xander shrugs, feigning indifference. He takes his stand behind Giles' back and reconfigures the order of files. Ms. Calendar's computer classes turned out to be pretty useful. His hands itch to start checking June 2000 entries but he restrains himself. Giles shouldn't suspect that he knows when Faith was transferred there.

"Check the June files," Giles says. Xanders suppresses a sigh of relief and starts the search. Double click - look at the photo - close - next - double click - look - close - next... His fingers move quickly, automatically - computer games are good practice.

"You haven't answered," he says. "Why do you need her records?"

"Just a precaution." Giles' voice is tired and flat. "She's refusing to meet anybody. The last time Mr. Wyndam-Pryce saw her was when she was transferred there in June. He said he got the impression that she was..."

Giles falls silent. Xander's heart skips a beat.

"Mr. Wyndam-Pryce hoped to get a chance to talk to her. To ask her. To clear it up. She refused to see him. He tried to make official enquiries..."

Xander bites his lips. He's on the verge of screaming with frustration. Double click - look - close - next - double click - look...

Her photo leaps out at him from the computer screen like a slap in his face - stubborn mouth, challenging eyes, tousled hair. Xander reluctantly tears his eyes off her mug shot and  feverishly scans the words onscreen.

"Oh dear," Giles says softly and closes the lid of the laptop. "Xander, I'm extremely grateful for your help, but it's... It's no concern of yours, really. Thank you."

Xander nods automatically. He lets Giles to show him the door of  the Magic Shop because he's too stunned to resist. He hasn't read everything on the page but he had enough time to catch the gist.

Faith is pregnant.

***2 "NO! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK"

"...I didn't know comas made people so horny."

Faith laughed and straddled him - insatiable, powerful, dangerous. She pulled him in, her hungry lips tracing his jaw line, her hands tangled in his hair. Her tongue invaded his mouth and she started riding him, mesmerizingly slowly, rocking back and forth. The world pulsated, dipped and soared - he found himself drowning in sensations: the heat of her skin, the bittersweet taste of her lips, the music of her hoarse, rapturous laughter. And - her eyes. God, her eyes. Suddenly death stopped meaning anything, and he was sliding down a dizzy whirlwind towards completion. Shadows danced on her face as she arched, shuddered and toppled on the bed next to him - sated, spent, regally beautiful.

He tried to collect his thoughts. He knew he had little time - she never gave him more than five minutes. He tentatively kissed her shoulder. No reaction. She was laying motionless, her eyes closed, her body relaxed - a predator in a rare moment of peace. Emboldened, he traced the curves of her breasts with his lips, felt her shiver and continued slowly caressing her, coming down to her abdomen...

"That's where she stabbed me."

It was so unexpected he didn't comprehend at first.

"What?"

"You're kissing me exactly where she stuck that knife."

"Faith, I'm so sor..."

"You know how much it hurts when you're stabbed with your own knife? It hurts like hell. You know she gutted me because she wanted to feed a slayer to her pet vampire? Oh, and she also wanted to have a knife with my blood on it to destroy the man who cared about me. To lure him into a trap. Did you know that?"

He stared at her flat, toned stomach unable to bring himself to look her in the eye. Smooth skin, no scars. Hard to believe that last year Buffy has buried a knife in this warm, soft flesh. Impossible to imagine this perfection disfigured with a wound and drenched in blood.

If only Slayers' souls could heal as neatly as their bodies.

"Faith, people have to let the past go before it destroys them. I believe - I know - you're not evil."

She pushed herself up on one elbow and patted him on his cheek.

"Stupid," she said with real affection. "I am evil. You know why? Because I'm not a loser like you. I'm on the winning side. Evil always wins. Evil is stronger. Simple as that. A knife in the gut's the best way to win any argument."

"Sure, evil is stronger to start with. But, you know, there is a catch. As soon as evil wins it starts destroying itself from within. So, on the long run, the good wins every time."

His damn tongue has always been his worst enemy. Abruptly Faith's strong hands stopped their exploration of his throbbing, burning body. In a quick predatory movement, she sprang on top of him and pressed him into the mattress.

"Quite a sport, aren't you? What if I killed you right now? Who would win?"

He closed his eyes. Death shouldn't look so beautiful. Death should look ugly and dreadful...

"Admit it, it turns you on, fucking a murderer."

He shook his head, his eyes still shut. "No! It's not what you think. And you're not a murderer. It was a freak accident. If only you could stop running..."

She laughed scornfully.

"Liar. Now, open your eyes and look at me. I said, open your eyes. And look. At. Me."

He opened his eyes and saw a knife in her hands.

"We'll play a game. Game of good and evil. One of us is Buffy, the other is Faith. Buffy guts Faith with this knife. It's very sharp, see?" She made a small shallow cut on his skin.

He stared at her in disbelief. "Listen, Faith, you shouldn't... You just need someone's help, and right now I'm thinking it's gonna be me..."

She slapped him, lightly, playfully.

"But you're already helping, dim-wit. Look... it's wicked easy..." She positioned the knife's hilt on his abdomen and set the cutting edge below her navel. "Just hold me, and it's done."

What? He giggled nervously. He expected anything but this.

"Listen, I don't want to play games..."

"You want to be Buffy, don't you, baby?" She smirked. "Come on, you always wanted to be Buffy..."

He made an attempt to put away the knife, but she steadied it against her stomach with a steely resolve, smiled encouragingly and started leaning over.

"Now, baby, don't be afraid... hold me tight."

He shuddered. "Faith, stop, please..."

She moved slowly, relentlessly, intoxicated with the closeness of death, and he realized, horrified, that she was planning to take her deadly embrace all the way. And he can't do anything. If he moved, he'd gut her.

Inspiration struck. "I'm Faith!"

She froze.

"What?"

"What if I'm Faith and you're Buffy?"

She hesitated.

"It's not against the rules," he reminded. "You said "one of us".

"Spoilsport." Mildly disappointed, she removed the knife and grinned. "Okay, rules are rules."

Several drops of blood trickled down her abdomen - she had cut herself a little, after all. She wiped the blood with her finger and shoved it into his mouth. "You like the sweet taste of Buffy's blood?"

He gulped convulsively. "Could we talk? Give me five minutes, Faith, and I will..."

She slapped him again, more violently. "I'm not Faith, moron. You're Faith. I'm Buffy. Buffy the Belly Ripper."

"Buffy," he repeated obediently. "Could we talk?"

"Too late, Faithie. You're a bad girl and I don't need you anymore. I've already taken everything that belonged to you and now I'm gonna rip into your cute belly and enjoy watching you bleed. You'll get what you want, Faithie. Despicable, wretched Faithie who loves death and misery."

She kissed the tip of the knife and placed it against his stomach. He stiffened, resisting the urge to thrash in her hands. She's so much stronger, she'd kill him instantly. Him, and then - herself.

With an effort he tore his gaze from the knife and looked her in the eye. "I'm not despicable, wretched Faithie," he said slowly. "I'm Faith the Vampire Slayer. I did a lot of good. I saved a lot of lives."

He'd rehearsed these words so many times. In third person, for Buffy. In second person, for her. He never thought he would have to say them in first person.

"One day I made a terrible mistake and after that day everything went downhill. I didn't want to kill that guy. I was sure he was a vampire and he was trying to kill Buffy. I wanted to protect her, because she is my sister slayer. I was horrified when I realized that the guy was human. I didn't want to die in the Council's dungeons so I became a fugitive. But, given a chance..."

She slapped him so hard that his ear started ringing.

"Screw you! You can't trick me, Xander! You - not me, you! - love death and misery! You came with me to this crappy motel, of your own free will, even though I'd tried to kill you once before."

"Because I love you!"

She dropped her knife and recoiled from him like he was suddenly red hot.

"What?"

He bit his lip and looked away. For a few interminable moments Faith stared at him incredulously. Then she laughed.

"You don't love me, Xanny-boy. You love your oh-so-sweet and noble Buffy. And - your boring, useless life. You're pathetic. You always have been. That first time, a year ago, when when you'd been driving around Sunnydale in your stupid shiny car, you were so ridiculous and awkward... And - and I was a complete fool when I... I mean I only needed you to help me with a dislocated shoulder..."

She sprang from the bed and flung him his clothes. "Get dressed and get out!"

"Faith..."

"Shut up!"

"... just tell me what I should do."

She shot him an angry glance. "Get away from here before I change my mind and kill you."

Desperate, he watched her putting on her trademark armor of black leather and red lipstick. "No, I mean - what I can do to help you."

"Now, look at Mother Teresa." He couldn't see her face - she'd turned away. "You can't help me. Nobody can help me."

"What are you going to do?"

"None of your bees-wax."

"Faith, listen..."

"No, you listen. What are you prepared to do? Fight your goodie-two-shoes Buffy for me? Betray your precious friends? Kill people? Die for me? Die with me?"

She was so gorgeous when she was vehement. Xander slowly pulled on his jeans, playing for time. "I could talk to Giles. I - we - could come up with, um, a mission or some kind of redemption for you. Something apocalypse-preventing..." God, he sounded so lame.

Faith chuckled softly, sadly.

"Grow up, Xander, okay?"

He knew he was losing her forever, but in his heart of hearts he hoped - fervently, desperately - she'd change her mind and stay. They'd go to Giles and make some kind of pact with the Watchers' Council and Faith would do something utterly heroic and she would be redeemed, become one of them, wouldn't be his dirty little secret anymore...

In the doorway she lingered a bit.

"Cheer up, baby. It was a good lay and a wicked cool game."

Suddenly, he felt so small and helpless.

"It isn't a game," he whispered.

But she was already gone.

... He wakes up in his new apartment, his pillow wet with sweat, his sheets wet with spunk, his body aching. The warm shower doesn't help - he still feels like shit. He quickly switches the water from hot to cold and back several times. It's a very sadistic and very effective way to wake himself up. To chase away his nightmares, his memories, his past. Because he has to take care of the present.

His reflection in the mirror looks at him with silent reproach.

He makes himself a cup of a very strong coffee, and then he calls Willow.

***3 IN WHICH XANDER AND WILLOW ARE PARANOID

"Apocalypse in November? The timetable up there is seriously screwed!"

They sit at the corner table. It's late, the coffee shop is almost empty, they aren't in danger of being overheard. Willow smiles at Xander's joke, but her smile is uneasy. Xander sees that she is genuinely upset, and hesitates, not sure if he should ask her to check Faith's records again and find out details.

This morning, Willow told him she would be very busy all day with research Giles commissioned her, and they arranged to meet at the dorm in the evening. For eight interminable hours he walked through the motions at his construction site. (When you look at a brick and can't see anything but a pregnant girl in a prison robe, it's disturbing.) Miraculously, he didn't end up in a foundation ditch, or under an excavator track. He cut work five minutes ahead of schedule and ran all the way to the dorm, where he found Willow immersed in magic books and dictionaries. It took all his willpower to tell her he could come back later. Thankfully she assured him she wanted to take a break, so they went to a coffee shop.

"So - it's serious business, Will?"

She sips her cappuccino slowly, holding her cup with both hands. The longer she is silent the more worried Xander gets.

"I don't know," she says finally. "There are definitely eschatological allusions in the scrolls, but they're too obscure and incomprehensible. Something about realities bleeding into one another, order overthrown and the universe tumbling into chaos and darkness... "

"Wait-wait-wait. What scrolls?"

She puts her cup down and Xander notices that her hands are trembling slightly. "Buffy asked me and Giles to investigate a murder - remember? A monk. He tried to tell her something before his death. We checked - he came here all the way from Europe. Their monastery is the headquarters of an order of Levantines."

"Are these guys evil?"

Willow shrugs. "Who knows? Of course, they position themselves as good guys. But they're so secretive. Their order appeared at the dawn of civilization, fought against invasions from other dimensions blah-blah-blah... got militarized under Roman and Byzantium empires, took part in Crusades and eventually settled in Bohemia. Some of their scrolls were stolen. Recently they emerged on eBay. Giles thinks it might be important. I promised to find out everything I can. But..."

She hesitates. Xander covers her hand with his.

"You can tell me."

"I'm using spells to decode them," she whispers guiltily. "Giles thinks I use too much magic. He thinks it's dangerous. I try to avoid it but... Yesterday he asked me to hack a high security server. How could I do it without magic?"

"But you didn't tell him?"

"I was afraid he'd get mad at me again." Off Xander's frown of displeasure she shrugs. "Don't, Xan. I know he's right. Magic takes too much energy. My head's still hurting a bit after yesterday's break-in. Usually Tara anchors me, but she's gone away for several days and I feel a bit lost without her."

Willow takes her cup again. "Did you know that Faith is pregnant?" she asks matter-of-factly.

Xander chokes on his coffee. Willow pats him on the back sympathetically.

"I was surprised, too," she says.

He coughs, then slowly wipes his lips playing for time. As soon as she talks with Giles she'll find out that he already knew. He has to find an explanation of his reaction, pronto.

Willow holds him out a tissue. "I wonder why Giles was checking up on Faith," she says and looks at him enquiringly. He wonders how much she knows and how much she suspects.

"How did you find out?" he asks. "You left the Magic Box before Giles found her records". He can't bring himself to say Faith's name aloud.

Willow looks at him suspiciously and frowns. "You know?"

He crumples his tissue nervously. Damn, he shouldn't look away. "Yes, I know about...  about her condition. I was there when Giles was checking her file. But I didn't think he told you. Yet you know. How did you find out?"

Willow tenses. "It was Giles who sent you to talk to me?"

Xander is astonished. "What? No, Will! I swear it has nothing to do with Giles! He didn't want me to know either - I just happened to be there, when he..." He can't figure out how to say it without mentioning, you know, the name.

"I'm so tired, Xander," Willow says suddenly. "I couldn't imagine I'd feel so lonely without Tara. Nobody talks to me anymore. Giles is busy with this Faith thing. Buffy has her own share of problems. Since her mom got sick she's living at home and I hardly see her. She's either at the hospital or patrolling with Spike."

He wants to hug her and tell her that she is and always will be his best friend and he will always love her and will never keep anything from her... except he is. The way Willow frowned when she said "this Faith thing" made it crystal clear. Two years ago Willow had been aghast at him having sex with Faith - and that was before she had become their enemy. He doesn't even try to imagine how horrified Willow would be if she found out that he had had sex with Faith after she had tried to kill them. Willow would see it as a betrayal.

Except he only wanted to help somebody who was lost and desperate. If he had found the right words Faith could have stopped running and eventually redeemed herself. It's his fault that she is where she is.

He hates to admit it, but his own private apocalypse troubles him more that the new global threat that's looming vaguely on the horizon.

Willow purses up her lips. "I may be paranoid but I think Buffy is keeping something from me."

Xander stares into his cup. Is it possible that Buffy knows about what happened between him and Faith? Buffy went to Los-Angeles several times. Could she have met Faith there? Could Faith have boasted to Buffy about their encounter? No. Impossible.  Buffy would never talk to Faith. Not to mention that Buffy would never talk to him if she found out about him and Faith. Whatever Buffy is hiding from them, it isn't about Faith.

"...You don't talk to me, either," Willow says. She waves her palm in front of his eyes. "Hello - Earth to Xander."

Her voice snaps him out of his reverie and he smiles guiltily.

"Sorry, Will. I just..."

"You don't even listen."

"I do! You were talking about... about Buffy. Have you seen her lately?"

Willow nods. "I went to the hospital today. Buffy's mom had a CAT scan and her doctor said she needed an operation. Buffy was nervous about it. I asked her if we could hang out tonight but she said she would be patrolling with Spike."

Xander frowns. "She's been patrolling with him so often lately."

Willow shrugs. "Buffy says she doesn't want to risk our lives and Spike is expendable."

"As long as he doesn't try anything new."

"I don't think he would. He's been so helpful lately."

"For money, Will, he does that for money. Buffy told me she paid him for help. He's helping himself get rich. Do you really think you can trust a killer?"

He starts to regret his words even before he's done saying them. Willow shakes her head. "I don't know. I like to believe that people can change for the better."

"Yeah, but is Spike actually people?"

She gives him a conciliatory smile. "At least we know he's got that chip in his head, right?"

He sighs. They hadn't known about chips when Jesse got turned. Vampires were enemies, subject to slayage. "Have you noticed how gray the world's getting? Spike with his chip, Giles with his Council dealings..."

"Uh-huh. Me with my magic stuff, Buffy with her secrets. Sometimes I want to ask her, but... I feel like the answer is staring me in the face but I can't see it." Willow shakes her head. "Xan, you're the only one of us who's squeaky-clean!"

He grins awkwardly. She promises to keep him in the loop and he promises not to tell Giles about her magic thing. He doesn't ask her to check Faith's records. You can't trust a killer and you absolutely can't care about one.

Back at home he ponders briefly if he should call Cordelia in LA and ask her if she has heard anything about it. Giles must've called Wesley and told him about this Faith thing. Wesley could have discussed it with Angel, and Cordy could have overheard them. Or maybe she was there when Giles called and she heard something. And maybe she wouldn't mind sharing it with her ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend who didn't call her once after she left for Los-Angeles. Not to mention that it's wrong  to disclose confidential information your boss is keeping secret...

He is already dialing Cordelia's number when he thinks of that last bit. Nobody answers. Wrong number? He tries again. Same result.

As he hangs up he realizes that he has only one option. He has to visit Faith.

***4  IN WHICH XANDER DISCOVERS THE SITCH IS MORE SCREWED-UP THAN HE THOUGHT

The road to Stockton is uneventful. Xander changes radio station every time they play a love ballad. Music brings up too many memories. He can't allow himself the luxury of these memories - of her implacable, sad eyes, her smooth, silky skin, her luscious breasts, her talented hands that know all the right places to touch... He has to have a clear head.

He runs different scenarios in his head again and again. Maybe the pregnancy mellowed her and she will be glad to see him. Maybe she's even more embittered and angry than the last time he saw her and she won't even read his note.

His note. He spent all evening  on it. He wasted half a notebook on half-finished drafts. And all he came up with is this:

"Faith,

Please, read this, don't just throw it away. I'm writing  as your friend. I want to help you and your baby. I will do anything you need. Just tell me. Could we talk? I have so much to tell you. I love you. I tried not to, but I can't. I can't stop thinking about you. Don't get me wrong - I'm not asking for anything. Just let me help. Any which way I can.

Xander."

The prison looks like a special kind of hell, he decides, as he parks his car and slowly goes to the gates. He braces himself. He's ready for her hostility, mocking, contempt, hate. He's ready for tears, swearing, insults, laments.

But the actual events catch him completely off-guard.

When he says Faith Lehane's name in the visiting room of the prison, he is met with curious looks. A guard asks his name and, after checking his ID, leads him into a small room where he is told to wait. The guard leaves before Xander has time to ask him anything.

The bars on the windows are dirty and depressing, just like the room itself. He stares at the ugly empty chairs. After several interminable minutes, he tries the door. It's locked. Blind panic sweeps him - he desperately fights the urge to pound on the door with both fists. He hears voices in the corridor and hastily plops into the chair.

"Mr. Harris?"

There are two of them - one in civvies, one in a doctor's scrubs. They introduce themselves. The civilian says he's a prison counselor - "...And you are?"

"I'm the father of Ms. Lehane's baby." There, he said it aloud. "Can I see her?"

The counselor and the doctor exchange looks.

"Why are you here?" asks the counselor.

Xander tenses. "Beg pardon?"

"Your pregnant girlfriend was transferred here five months ago. You never visited her. Why now?"

Suddenly, Xander feels uneasy. There is something they're not telling him.

"I didn't know she was pregnant until the day before yesterday," he says curtly. "Can I see her?"

They exchange looks again.

"May I ask how you discovered that your girlfriend was pregnant?" the doctor says.

He has to think quickly. "A friend... actually, a friend of a friend. He saw her when she was transferred here. He noticed - but he wasn't sure about her condition."

The civilian gives him a piercing gaze.

"Did I get it right? Five months ago somebody you know noticed that Lehane could be pregnant. But he didn't tell you until now, right?"

He feels trapped. Are they interrogating him? What the hell is happening? He strains every nerve to look calm. "No. Actually, I haven't seen that man in ages. He told my friend. My friend told me. I came as soon as I could."

"The man who told your friend - what's his name?"

Xander looks at the counselor sharply. "Is this an interrogation?"

"His name is Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, isn't it?"

Xander has a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something is horribly wrong. He glances back and forth between their faces trying to figure it out. They look concerned. The counselor frowns at him with barely hidden dislike; the doctor pinches the bridge of his nose and looks away. 

"What the..." Xander whispers hoarsely. "Is she okay? Is she... is she alive?"

The next ten seconds are the longest ten seconds in his life. Xander feels shivers running down his spine. Finally the civilian nods to the doctor almost imperceptibly.

"She's alive," doctor says. "She's safe."

Relief floods him. "Thank you."

The doctor looks at the counselor questioningly. The latter shrugs.

"Last night there was an attempt on Lehane's life," doctor says.

Xander draws a sharp breath. He isn't sure he heard correctly.

The counselor eyes him narrowly. "Do you have any idea who would want her dead?"

Xander shakes his head. He does have an idea, of course. Council goons.

"Had your girlfriend been a member of some illegal religious sect?"

He is at a loss. "What do you mean - a sect?"

"The people who tried to kill her - they wore weird clothes, not unlike monks' habits," the doctor says. "Rings a bell?"

Monks. Giles and Willow are investigating the murder of a monk. "She never talked about monks," he says. At least he's not lying.

"They were not monks," the doctor says patiently. "Actually I'm not sure what they were. Weird little creatures with black eyes and..."

The counselor clears his throat loudly. The doctor shuts up mid-sentence. "Never mind," he murmurs.

Xander feels sick. "How..." His voice sounds hollow. "How could they get to her?"

"Good question. How could they," the counselor makes air-quotes around "they", "get to her. Why would they attempt to kill her now, when she's about to give birth. Why she is afraid to see anyone. Your buddy Wyndam-Pryce came several times - he was quite insistent, but she refused to see him."

"She isn't afraid." Xander stares through him. "She doesn't want his pity. Her stupid pride won't let her take help from anybody. In her book sympathy's an insult."

"You owe me a beer," the doctor says to the counselor. The latter frowns.

"How long have you known her?" he asks.

"Two years. Listen, I swear I don't know anything about any sect, just let me talk to her, please."

The doctor gives him a sympathetic look. "I'm afraid it's not possible. Lehane is in intensive care and she hasn't regained conscience yet."

Xander leaps to his feet. "Intensive care? Did she?.. Is the baby okay?" He realizes that he's shouting. "Sorry," he murmurs. "Could you tell me what happened here?"

The doctor sighs. "I'll tell him," he says to the counselor. He doesn't ask his permission - he just tells him. The counselor shrugs again, and the doctor tells that recently Faith was transferred to the hospital ward because she's due to give birth; that last night a nurse heard suspicious noises, called guards and they discovered two dead bodies and Faith, unconscious, bleeding, wounded in the chest. Thankfully the baby wasn't hurt. Right now Faith is in a stable condition but she is sedated.

"Whoever trained Lehane to fight, trained her well," the counselor adds sourly. "These guys had knives. I wish I could see how a heavily pregnant woman, who was apparently asleep when they attacked her, managed to deal with them."

"Maternal instinct," the doctor says without much conviction.

"Maternal my ass," the counselor grumbles.

"Your ass is quite an argument."

"Uh-huh. You know, your ability to go for the easiest explanation never ceases to amaze me."

"Saves a lot of trouble."

"Sure. Maternal instinct is stronger than big sharp knives. This guy," the counselor points at Xander, "finds out Lehane is pregnant and the next day she's attacked - but of course it's just a coincidence."

Xander is aghast. They think he tried to kill her?

"I didn't say you were planning to kill Lehane, young man," the counselor says off his glare. "But I don't believe in coincidences."

"Do you want to talk to her about the child's custody?" the doctor asks Xander. He pointedly ignores the counselor's conspiracy theories.

Custody? A wave of heat rushes through Xander's body. The idea is as unexpected as it is wonderful. He will have something he and Faith did together. He'll bring up their baby and when Faith will get out of the prison, who knows? She may want to join them...

"I - I can apply for a custody? Really?"

The doctor nods. "If she agrees, of course. You're not married, so legally you don't have any rights unless she officially names you the father. Come tomorrow, I'll take you to her."

"It's a violation of the rules," the counselor says softly.

"Report me if it makes you feel better."

They exchange vague grins. Apparently, it's an inside joke Xander doesn't get.

On the way back to Sunnydale he finds a radio station that broadcasts rock-music. He listens to guitar riffs and it takes him a lot of effort to not exceed the speed limit. Somebody tried to kill her. Somebody. Somebody doesn't know it yet, but they're in big trouble.

But he has to plan thoroughly, and act cautiously.


***5 UNDER SUSPICION: A WHODUNIT INTERMEZZO

"Could you check Giles' phone accounts?"

Willow looks at him like he had grown a third eye on his forehead.

"What happened, Xander?"

"I have to know if he called the Council yesterday. It's very important, Will. Can you do it?"

Willow is clearly confused: Xander has just pulled her out of the lecture room into the hall while the other students glared at them, shocked by his intrusion. Her pen and a notebook still in her hands, Willow looks at him with concern. "Theoretically - yes, I can. But why do you..."

"Somebody tried to kill Faith."

Willow blinks. "Oh."

Xander shifts from foot to foot. "Don't you get it? As soon as we found out that she was pregnant, somebody tried to kill her. It's not a coincidence."

"You think it was the Council's wetwork team?"

He shrugs. "The guys who tried to kill her - they were demons. Doesn't look like the Council's style, but we don't know much about the Council."

"So you think that, if Giles hadn't called them, they wouldn't know." She thinks it over. "If we knew what kind of demons..."

"Little creatures with black eyes. I haven't seen them - I only know what the guys in the prison told me. Not that they were talkative, but I managed... What?"

Willow eyes him curiously. "You went there?"

Oops. He blushes furiously. "You know, Will, I just happened to be nearby on business, so..." Lame.

"You went to see Faith?" Apparently, the answer is written on his face in bold letters because Willow eyes widen. "Do you...  No."

He tries to come up with something - funny, indignant, distracting - but his mind is empty.

"So, you still care about her," Willow says bitterly.

"I try not to..." Lameazoid lame.

"Do you love her?" she asks after a painful pause.

He gives her a pleading glance.

"Oh, God," she breathes.

He wishes the earth could swallow him up.

Then Willow hugs him, leans against his shoulder and gently pats him on his back. "I guess I always knew." She sighs. "I remember the day you changed. That sadness in you - it was because of her, right?" She chuckles softly. "I used to blame myself for being too busy with college, with Tara. For being a bad friend."

He feels a lump in his throat. It’s too much to take in. All these months that he kept his secret - he could have confided in Willow and she'd have been there for him. How could he have doubted her? His loyal, selfless Willow.

She shouldn't forgive him so quickly and effortlessly. This isn't right. "You should turn me into a toad. I totally deserve it."

"Okay - I will. When it's over." Willow eyes him pensively. "Xan - I can hack the phone company, but maybe we should just ask Giles? I think you're looking in the wrong place."

He sighs. Maybe she's right. He doesn't know. He only knows that Giles is uneasy around him.

"But Xander, why would the Council want to kill Faith?" Willow insists.

"To create a new Slayer."

Willow nods. "Suppose you're right: but why have they sent demons? Why have they been waiting until now?"

"I don't know," Xander admits. "But I'll find out. I have to help her, Will - after all, I'm also responsible for..."

Damn. He definitely shouldn't say words.

Willow narrows her eyes. "Responsible for what?"

Should he tell? Given how quickly she forgave him...

Willow elbows him. "Spill."

...They walk to the Magic Box and Xander tells her what happened on the evening that they'd discovered that Faith had escaped from the hospital. Willow already is in her research mode: she ponders on the Council's possible motivations, the types of demons who usually work as assassins-for-hire, probable ways of leakage - and he's almost happy. It's so liberating, to have a friend you can share your problems with.

"Xander, I have to know one thing." Willow stops walking and eyes him intensely. "Swear you'll tell me the truth."

"Sure. I swear." He doesn't like the tone of her voice.

"That night when Faith escaped. You left us when the Council people asked to help them in the search. You went to warn her?"

"What?!"

"The truth, Xander."

"I didn't… that's not why I left. I just couldn't stand watching Spike sniffing her bed like a vampire tracker dog."

Willow crosses her arms on her chest. "You left because of that?"

Xander backs a step, nervous. "Yeah?"

"You know, there's nothing wrong with Spike sniffing Faith's bed." She winces. "That sounded wrong, but - you know - he only did that to track her down."

"But why use Spike? You could have done your locator spell thingie. It was just Buffy sending another vampire after her. Using a vampire against a slayer." He notices Willow's cringe, and curses himself inwardly.

Willow shakes her head. "Xander…"

"Look, I tried to get her on board, make her see that she can redeem herself…"

"Wait-wait-wait. How come you found her?"

He looks away. That night his feet led him to the children's playground in the park where he had saved Faith from a demon almost two years ago. "I think she found me. I was walking and - you know - just felt her. So, I called her and she came out from behind the corner."

Willow eyes him curiously. "You do remember that she tried to kill you, don't you?"

He lowers his head. Maybe Faith was right and he really does love death and misery?

Willow sighs. "Sometimes I wonder if men are able to appreciate a kind, supportive woman - at all. Thank God I have Tara." She smiles wistfully. "You know, it's so strange - you think you know someone. What he is, what he wants. And then it turns out you don't know him at all. Turns out he was leading a double life. He was secretly dating somebody who tried to kill us. Had an affair with her behind our backs, all this time."

At first he doesn't understand and then he rolls his eyes. "We weren't dating, Will. Honestly. We met that one time, and that was all."

She looks at him accusingly. "Who do you think I am? An idiot?"

He doesn't know if he should laugh or cry. "Willow, I swear! Cross my heart and hope to die. This was the first and the last time I saw her since the day she tried to kill me. If you don't believe it, put a truth spell on me."

She is at a loss. "Then how can you be so sure the baby's yours?"

Strangely, it never occurred to him. He ponders on the idea a bit. He can't explain why he's sure. He just is. He knows. What he doesn't know is how to explain his conviction to Willow. "I feel it. Have you ever had a feeling that you're right even though you can't prove it?"

Her mouth twitches. "I even know what they call that feeling. Faith."

Touché.

She resumes walking, Xander trailing after her. "Don't tell Giles about me," he pleads when they're near Magic Box. "He acts weirdly every time he sees me. I have to be sure it isn't him who's behind all this. Please."

Willow's jaw drops. "Xan, do you really suspect Giles? Come on, it's ridiculous."

"I know. But as soon as he found out about Faith, someone tried to kill her."

"A coincidence."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"But you can't suspect everybody! What about me, then? What about Buffy? I told her about Faith's pregnancy."

Xander is stunned. "Buffy knows?"

Willow nods. "Don't worry. She hardly even noticed. I told her when I saw her at the hospital. Her mother's doctor had just told her the results of the CAT scans, so Faith was the least of her worries."

He is ashamed. "How's Joyce?"

"She's having an operation tomorrow."

"And Buffy?"

Willow shrugs. "The usual. She says she's OK. I know she's lying, she knows I know, etc." She stops at the entrance of Magic Shop. "Here's what we'll do, Xan. I won't tell Giles about you. I'll tell him it was my initiative to investigate. Just play along."

***6 IN WHICH WILLOW PROVES THAT LIES BY OMISSION ARE THE MOST EFFECTIVE ONES

Giles is truly concerned. Shocked, even. Xander watches him closely, but Giles' reaction seems genuine. He immediately calls Los-Angeles but gets no answer. He leaves a voice mail: 'This is Rupert Giles, please call me in the Magic Box," and hangs up. "There is nobody there. Last time I talked to Wesley he told me that Angel was closing his business, so..."

Xander sees that Giles' initial shock is turning into his usual "research the threat, find the threat's soft spot, deal with the threat" attitude.

"Does Buffy know?" Giles asks.

"She knows that Faith is pregnant, but she doesn't know about the assault yet," Willow replies. "I just found out and haven't had time to tell her."

"Wait. How did you find out about it? How did you find out about Faith in the first place?"

Here we go. Xander knows that once Giles starts asking questions, he's busted.

Willow grins. "Internet Explorer has a "history" option. Press "control" and click "H". The program displays the pages that you've been looking at."

Giles looks so embarrassed that Xander pities him.

"Once I found out about the assault, I asked Xander help me to investigate," Willow continues smoothly. "He went there and told the guards that he was the father of Faith's baby. They believed him and told him a pretty interesting story..."

Xander is squirming under Giles’ inquisitive gaze. Willow's lies are too close to the truth, and he's getting uncomfortable listening to them. He knows that lying by omission is more effective than just making things up, but everything inside him revolts against the way Willow is weaving her story.

Giles shakes his head disapprovingly. "Do you understand how risky it was? What if the real father had already visited her? What if they remembered his face?"

"Well, I was lucky, wasn't I?" Xander snaps. "I found out that the only person who had visited her was Wesley. But she refused to see him. I also found out that the guys who assaulted her last night were demons."

"Demons. I can't believe how imprudent you've been. But why didn't you tell me that you were going to visit Faith? We could have gone there together, it would have been less risky."

"I asked him not to," Willow says without batting an eye.

"What?" Giles exclaims. Xander is momentarily forgotten.

"I asked him not to tell anybody," Willow says calmly. "I couldn't dismiss the possibility that it was the Council who did it."

Giles is bewildered. "But why dis you investigate it in the first place? The less we meddle with the Council's business the better."

Xander can see that Willow's mind is racing. "I'll tell you everything," she says slowly. "But first I need to know one thing: have you told the Council about Faith's baby? Please, Giles. It's very important."

Giles shakes his head. "No. I didn't."

"Have you told Wesley?" Xander asks.

"I have tried to reach Wesley two days in a row, but their phone is dead, as you might have noticed. And now that I've answered your very important question, could you please, explain what is happening here? Why have you started a dangerous investigation on your own, Willow?"

Xander's heart sinks.

"Because you asked me to," Willow says.

"I did no such thing!"

"You asked me to work with the Levantine scrolls."
 
"I asked you to decode them, not to..." Giles is clearly confused. "Wait. How are the scrolls related to Faith's pregnancy?"

Willow looks Giles in the eye.

"I don't know exactly," she says slowly. "But they are related. One of the scrolls has a list of recently fallen Levantine warriors who took part in the prevention of an apocalypse. One of them was a woman. A British woman. Her name was Diana Dormer."

Willow falls silent. Apparently she thinks it's a good explanation. Apparently, Giles doesn't think so. He frowns and looks at Willow questioningly.

"She was Faith's first watcher," she explains. "She was killed by Kakistos in 1998."

It takes Giles several seconds to digest the news. He looks worried. "I hope you didn't try to hack into the Council's site. Their firewall spells could burn you alive."

"No, I didn't," Willow says and Giles sighs in relief. "But I think it wasn't a coincidence that one of these monks came here and was killed. I think he wanted to warn us about something. Something very important."

Giles rubs the bridge of his nose. Xander can see that he's hesitating.

"Maybe," Giles says finally. "Maybe the monk knew something. Maybe it was connected to the Faith situation. But you're wrong about The Council. They aren't interested in killing Faith. I know that much."

"Corporate solidarity," Xander murmurs.

Giles glares at him. "I can assure you that you're wrong. The Council were trying to cooperate with Faith before she gave herself up to the police. As soon as she started slaying in Los-Angeles, the Council's stock started rising so quickly that they figured out they'd better take her back. They tried to contact her, but she avoided them, so they were following her activities from a distance and trying to find a way to..."

Xander is so shocked he can't speak. His heart is suddenly pounding so loudly that he's scared everyone will notice. So, Faith followed his advice, after all?

"Wait-wait-wait," Willow murmurs. "How come we didn't know about it? Why didn't you tell us, Giles?"

"I only found out today. Faith didn't advertise her activities and The Council has classified her file. I had to use my old contacts..."

Giles tells them about an old friend of his, a watcher who "wrote a thesis on our mutual acquaintance". Xander doesn't even think about the weirdness of Giles' contact; he's putting too much effort into keeping a poker face.

"Lydia told me that the first reports of a girl slaying vampires and demons in Los-Angeles started to come at the beginning of spring," Giles continues. "Initially nobody in the Council paid serious attention to them. Then she killed archduke Sebassis who was considered unkillable. Officially he died from a stroke, but every demon in LA knew who gave him that stroke. The Association of Non-Human Species and The Fellowship of Differently Animated Plasmavores sent ambassadors to London and offered the Council a truce and their cooperation. Travers started negotiations with them and ordered his operatives to find Faith and offer her the Council's forgiveness. Several days later his people ended up in hospital. Apparently Faith told them she was fed up with the Council and the only way to make it right was to work alone..."

Xander turns away. If only he'd known. He would have gone to Los-Angeles, found her, helped her... If he'd only known.

Thankfully, Giles isn't paying much attention to him. "...as you see, Faith has got a lot of enemies here in California - enemies who would be happy to see her dead. The last big player she killed before giving herself up to the police was one Cyvus Vail, a powerful wizard who had quite a number of connections and minions..."

Xander straightens his shoulders and takes a deep breath. "We have to help her." Saying it aloud feels like diving in cold water. It's refreshing.

Giles shakes his head. "I don't think she'll agree to accept our help. Like I said, the Council..."

But Willow has already put her resolve face on. "We have to try, Giles."

"I'll go see her tomorrow," Xander hears himself saying. "Her doctor promised to let me see her. I have more chance of convincing her than the Council's men."

Giles studies him closely. "You do care about her."

Xander nods.

"Of course we care," Willow says hastily. "We don't know anything about that conspiracy against her. We have to find out more about it. It could be really dangerous. Um, Giles - there is something else I have to tell you about the scrolls. I did a revealing spell to decode them..."

Giles frowns. His displeasure with Willow's magic abuse is written on his face, but he is too tired and overwhelmed with the news to give her a good talking-to. So, after a requisite warning about danger of strong spells Giles says he will try to contact Travers and talk to him about their chances of getting Faith out of jail - but, of course, the chances are slim. They also agree that tomorrow Willow will bring Buffy up to date and Xander will visit Faith and try to find out more about the assault.

"...You were brilliant," Xander says to Willow as they walk to her dorm. "You saved my sorry ass."

Willow sighs. "I hate lying. I don't know what happened to me today. I wouldn't do it if it weren't for you." She elbows him. "It's all your fault."

Obviously he's looking totally miserable, because she chuckles and hugs him. "I'm kidding, dummy."

"I'm a coward. Okay, maybe I shouldn't tell Giles, until we know for sure that The Council isn't involved. But I should have told Anya. Except I'm so terrified I can't make myself call her. And now I'm dragging you into this mess."

"Don't blame yourself for what I did. After all, I didn't lie. I said you said you're the father of Faith's baby. I just didn't say it was the truth."

"Uh-huh." He forces a wry smile. "And that Diana what's-her-name? Great idea."

Willow tenses. "Um, Xan... I didn't have time to tell you before we talked to Giles. I wanted to - honest! - but you've got me distracted..."

A pang of fear slowly uncoils in the pit of his stomach. "Willow. What is it?"

"I didn't make it up. The name of Faith's first watcher is there in the scrolls. Diana Dormer was a member of the Levantine order."

***7 IN WHICH OUR HEROES FINALLY MEET

When he enters the hospital room, she is asleep. There are dark circles under her eyes, her face is pale and thin, her features relaxed and peaceful, her hands curved over her stomach. Xander can't take his eyes off her. Her huge belly makes her look particularly small and fragile and... Xander desperately searches for the right word. She's like those women in really old paintings, with streaming hair, in streaming garments with endless folders flowing... sublime? Yes, that's the word. Sublime.

It's so strange to see her still. She has always been so full of energy - dancing, fighting, making love, making death.

The doctor demonstratively turns away and starts fiddling with the monitors. Xander tentatively taps him on the shoulder. "Could you leave us alone for a minute?" he whispers. He knows he's getting on the doctor's nerves.

The doctor shakes his head. Then he nods in Faith's direction. As Xander turns towards her he sees that she's awake, eyeing him suspiciously. She isn't hugging her belly anymore. Her hands, clenched in fists, lie along her body.

"What is he doing here?" Her voice is hoarse and hostile. "Who the hell let him in?"

The doctor regards her with mild curiosity. "I thought you would appreciate a chance to sort it out with your boyfriend, Lehane."

Her eyes flash with open hatred. "He is not my boyfriend. I hardly know him."

"Sure. That's why he almost fainted when he heard about the assault." The doctor looks at his watch. The gesture is inequivocal. Xander knows he doesn't have much time.

"Um, Faith..."

She stares at the ceiling.

"Faith, there's something we have to do... Right now our friends are trying to find a way to get you out on  parole. But if they fail... I want you to let me take our baby. To raise him while you're in prison." He feels utterly stupid because she's refusing to look at him. "All you have to do is to name me baby's father. I'll write down my full name, Alexander LaVelle Harris..."

Her laugh drips with contempt. "Doc, just look at this schmo. He thinks he's the father. He thinks he's the only body I screwed." She tries a cruel expression that fails once her lips wobble.

Xander blinks, fighting a tightness in his throat. "Faith..."

"Shut up. This," she points at her bulge as at a separate object, "has nothing to do with me. Just a temporary inconvenience. In a few days this thing comes out of me and I stop being a beached whale. And - it has nothing to do with you. Understood?"

He shakes his head. The lady doth protest too much.

The doctor gives them a quick glance. "There's a thing called DNA analysis. Pretty expensive, but I think I could organize an official request for a free test on behalf of..."

"You fucking sneaking faggot!" Faith screeches. Her outburst is so sudden that he flinches. She tries to le… Продолжение »